There are days I look at my son, as he is desperately trying to tell me what he wants. Days when we are out and people stare, or make rude remarks because he is to loud. Days when I see him watching kids in his class, just trying to figure out how to approach them. It is in these moments that brings out the fight in me. It is in these moments that I hold his hand and promise him that even if it takes everything I have, I will make sure I get him to where he needs to go.
There are times when I see his teacher treat him as if he is a problem, family members looking at him as if he is a ticking time bomb. There are times we have been kicked out of library's, and cry rooms because his EEEEE's were a little to loud. It is in these moments that I make sure my son sees that I am not ashamed of him, that in this world it is him and I. It is in these moments that I let him see that no one will treat him with any form of disrespect, not for one second when I'm around.
I had always assumed that the world would see a disability like Autism, and show compassion, and don't get me wrong we have the best support team ever, but the world is a cruel place, especially when you are misunderstood. People walk around and instead of helping, they judge. They see a seven year old child with the brightest blue eyes and freckles and assume he is a typical seven year old. The second he starts jumping up and down, they assume he's uncontrollable, that I should have raised him better. When he vocalizes and instead of words, loud EEEEE's come out, they assume he is being obnoxious and that I should leave the store. And when in school when he doesn't know how to interact with the other kids, the teacher assumes he doesn't want to and suggest that maybe, just maybe he shouldn't be around typical peers.
It is in these moments where I wish I could have the chance to talk to my little man, the boy behind the wall of Autism. I would tell him:
Life was never supposed to be this hard, I look at you and see the fight in your eye's, I promise you that it is going to get better. Don't ever give up, this is going to be the fight of your life- Stay strong! People are going to love you, and your words are going to come. I am with you every step of the way. We love you more than anything in this world. I am so honored to be your Mommy, and whatever it is you plan on being in life it is a privilege to have shared it with you. We are going to get through this together.
